A delegation of conservative members of Congress paid a visit to the West Antarctic Ice Sheet melt today to witness firsthand what one of them called “the most beautiful expression of the free market I’ve ever seen.”
WASHINGTON—A new poll of the Missouri electorate reported this week that Sen. Claire McCaskill holds a tenuous lead in the state’s Senate race over Rep. Todd Akin, essentially revealing that you live in a nation where a man who is deeply and irrefutably mentally ill can nevertheless stand a solid chance of winning higher office. “Current data shows that, contrary to any conventional notions of human reason or logic, a man with a questionable grasp on reality is evidently quite able to attain a prominent government position in the nation you are a citizen of,” said researcher Donald Schur, noting that the man in question currently holds a one-percent lead, “yes, lead,” in several other similar election polls. “That’s right, you, the average citizen, live in a country where a human being deep in the throes of delusion can not only be elected to higher office on six prior occasions, but may in fact be voted into office again despite his psychological instability being put on full display in the most spectacular fashion imaginable. This is the place where you live, and work, and pay taxes.” Researchers also noted that, according to recent evidence, this kind of thing actually doesn’t surprise you too much anymore.
Source: The Onion
SOMERSET, NJ—In what local authorities are calling a “near tragedy,” Charles Wentworth, a 17-year-old Rutgers Preparatory senior and member of the affluent Wentworth family, came perilously close to suffering a consequence resulting from his own wrongdoing Saturday.
If Republicans weren’t so obsessed with Obamacare, they could move on to other important parts of their symbolic legislative agenda, like banning our nation’s teachers from pursuing their rampantly gay agenda.